I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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