No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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