i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
