I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
