Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
