i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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