Got a toothbrush?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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