Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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