she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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