I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
