so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
