You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
