I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
