My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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