I'm lost and stupid without you.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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