Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
