some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
