Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
