She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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