please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Someone came in the potted fern
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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