i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
