Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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