There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
