Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
