Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
