i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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