Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
