Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You are the jesus of drinking
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
