I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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