I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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