I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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