that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
