and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
