the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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