there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
