I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
