i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
