giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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