i just had sex bonerless
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
