if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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