therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
