I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I could fuck to npr.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
