If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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