Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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