Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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