Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
