Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
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Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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