I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
