you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
