Banned from zoo.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!