I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
