i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We smell like vodka and hangover
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
