I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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