1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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