Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Your cock deserves a montage
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
