it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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