I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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