I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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