dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
