we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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