It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
