I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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