dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
