i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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