All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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